Philippians 1:21 – In My Journey: “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain”
“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” – Philippians 1:21
Chains That Couldn’t Silence Faith
This powerful verse was written by the Apostle Paul, also known as Saul of Tarsus. Once a devout Pharisee who persecuted early Christians, Paul’s life was forever changed after a transformative encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus. He became one of the most influential figures in early Christianity, ultimately writing 13 of the 27 books in the New Testament.
At the time he wrote his letter to the Philippians, Paul was imprisoned and facing a potential death sentence for spreading the gospel. Despite his grim circumstances, his faith remained steadfast. He reminded Christians that being absent from the body meant being present with the Lord. For Paul, to live was to serve Christ; to die was to be united with Him.
To Live is Christ to Die is Gain Meaning
1. “To live is Christ”
This calls us to make Christ the center of our hearts, minds, and souls. We are to reflect His character in our words and actions, daily asking ourselves, “What would Jesus do?” To live is to pursue Christ—know Him more intimately, follow His Word, and align our desires with His will.
2. “To die is gain”
Paul endured intense suffering—hatred, beatings, and ultimately imprisonment—because of his faith. Yet he found peace in these trials, knowing they deepened his faith and magnified his testimony. Death, for Paul, was not the end—it was the reward. Eternal life with Jesus was his hope, free from pain, filled with everlasting joy.
Blessed Assurance Scripture
Jeremiah 1:5 – “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
Proverbs 20:24 – “A person’s steps are directed by the Lord.”
Isaiah 46:10 – “I say, My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.”
Important Life Lessons
My Personal “Incarceration” Journey
January 2015 marked the beginning of a long and challenging season in my life—a personal “incarceration” journey. Of course, it was nothing like the imprisonment the Apostle Paul endured, but in my own way, it was a season of hardship that deeply tested me. Unlike Paul’s trials, many of mine were self-inflicted, rooted in poor choices and misguided priorities.
I had become vain, consumed with worldly things that did more harm than good. I lost my spiritual focus and, without even realizing it, pushed God out of my path and out of my life. That detour led me into a series of struggles—each one painful, but ultimately part of a greater plan to refine and restore me.
In future blog posts, I’ll go into detail about each of these experiences. However, for now, I would like to share a brief summary of the pivotal trials and life lessons that have forever changed me, shaping my perspective, faith, and how I view the world and the people around me.
A Season of Trials That Reshaped My Life
September 2015: After eight long months of unexplained illness and countless doctor visits, tests, and medication trials, I was finally diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA)—a chronic autoimmune condition that would alter the course of my life.
March 2016: Without any prior warning, my ex-husband filed for divorce, blindsiding me during a time when I was already grappling with the emotional toll of my diagnosis.
April 2018: After a lengthy and emotionally draining legal battle, our divorce was finalized, officially closing a painful chapter in my life.
September 2018: I entered into a new relationship, unaware at the time that it would become one of the most toxic experiences of my life.
March 2020: After a decade of dedication, I was forced to close the doors to my business due to the economic impact of the COVID-19 pandemic.
June 2020: I was diagnosed with premenopausal symptoms, adding another layer of physical and emotional changes to an already overwhelming period.
September 2020: My personal nightmare began. My beloved fur-baby, Coco, was diagnosed with a skeletal tumor on his left eye, causing it to bulge outward. The sight of his suffering broke my heart.
October–November 2020: Coco underwent a very difficult surgery to remove the tumor, which had grown to the size of a golf ball. While the surgery was successful, it only granted us seven more precious months together.
January–March 2021: I contracted COVID-19. Because of my RA, the virus hit me hard, attacking my already compromised immune system. I was dangerously ill and came terrifyingly close to losing my life.
July 2021: My deepest pain became a reality—I lost Coco. His death catapulted me into what felt like an endless abyss of grief and heartbreak.
January 2022: My RA continued to take a toll. I underwent spinal surgery due to disc narrowing and spinal stenosis—yet another hurdle in my healing journey.
April 2022: I faced another heartbreaking loss when I unexpectedly lost my grandmother, a woman who had been a pillar in my life.
September 2023: After much thought and prayer, I made the difficult decision to sell my business, fully closing the chapter on a career I had built and nurtured for ten years.
For much of my life, trials have outnumbered moments of joy. Looking back, I can now see how impatience and a tendency to give my heart away too easily—without seeking God’s guidance—often led me into pain. I acted impulsively, relying on my own limited understanding. Although I was raised in a Christian home and always loved the Holy Trinity, I didn’t yet have the deep, personal relationship where I could truly say, “To live is Christ.”
It took seven years—marked by heartbreak, loss, physical and emotional pain, and life-altering lessons—to get to a place where I could genuinely proclaim, “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” My walk with the Holy Trinity is still growing. Every day is a learning experience. But I’m now at peace with the idea that leaving this world isn’t something to fear—it’s a reunion with my Heavenly Father, my Lord and Savior, and my constant companion, the Holy Spirit.
A New Chapter: Travel, Healing, and Purpose
I’ve always loved to travel, though I didn’t do it often during my marriage since my ex-husband didn’t share that passion. During the darkest days of my depression in 2021 and 2022, I began to pray a specific prayer: “Father, if it is Your will for me to survive this season, I want to travel. I want to experience all four seasons You created—Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. I want to feel the simplicity of life, see laughter and love, help others, and be loved by a Godly man who brings me closer to You. I want to grow stronger, more independent, brave, and free from needing others’ approval. I want to rely only on Your acceptance of me. And above all, I want to know You more.”
That was my heart’s cry during those hard times.
In 2023, God began answering my prayers. I was still fragile, but with His assurance, I started a solo road trip across the U.S.—and eventually into Canada in 2024. These last two years have been nothing short of amazing, beautiful, indescribable, blessed, and fulfilling. I’m still learning, still growing, but my walk with the Holy Trinity is deeper than ever. I’m all in.
The Healing Begins in Broken Bow, Oklahoma
It’s beautifully ironic that true healing began for me in a place called Broken Bow—because it was there, in my most broken state, that God started putting me back together. Unexpectedly, Oklahoma became my sacred place of healing. Among all the places I’ve traveled, one holds a special place in my heart—Oklahoma. No one, including me, would’ve guessed it. But it became a refuge during my brokenness. In July 2021, after Coco passed, I attempted my first road trip to escape the overwhelming grief. I started in Oklahoma and visited Kansas, hoping to heal. But the grief was overwhelming, and my health declined, so I returned home to my worried family. Their love and energy helped ground me. I focused on healing and, eventually, on selling my business.
By July 2023, with my business sold, I returned to Oklahoma—this time to Broken Bow —and I was ready. The peaceful lakes, the trails, the small-town charm—it was the perfect place to start my journey of restoration. The first week, I explored alone. The second week, my family joined me, including my furry nephews. Walking the lakeshores in Broken Bow renewed me. I heard myself laugh again, even if just at myself. My confidence slowly returned. I found strength and security in God once more. This time, I was able to keep going—I visited eight states in four months and returned home for the holidays, changed and reenergized. Even my family noticed the transformation in my health and spirit.
It was all God. Only God could’ve restored me like that. He carried me. He restored me. And He never gave up on me.
The Next Leap: Trusting the Journey
My First Solo Travel to Canada
In June 2024, I returned to Oklahoma with a new adventure ahead: my solo road trip through Canada. I was nervous—not just because I’d be visiting a different country, but because I’d be driving over 3,001 miles across an unfamiliar land, entirely on my own. That’s no small leap. So I chose to begin somewhere familiar—Broken Bow, a place that had already played a healing role in my life. A place where I had found peace before and hoped to find courage again.
This time felt different. I felt stronger, more confident, healthier, and protected. I decided to challenge myself with a five-mile solo hike through one of the state parks. But being alone in the wilderness? It terrified me. Still, something within told me I could do it.
That night before the hike, two Bible verses came to mind. I’ve read the Bible cover to cover once and have studied at least 20 books in depth. I’m no biblical scholar, but these scriptures have always lived in my heart. And in that moment of fear and uncertainty, the Holy Spirit brought two specific verses to me—out of all the ones I know, He chose these:
Philippians 1:21 – “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
Jeremiah 1:5 – “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
These weren’t random. They were confirmation. They were reminders that my destiny is not my own. God already knows our beginning and end. He sets our purpose.
He has given each of us a purpose, and although we have free will, the decisions we make along the way either move us closer to or delay our arrival at that purpose. And at this point in my life, I understand what it means when Paul says, “to die is gain.” After everything I’ve been through, I know that death isn't an end—it's the beginning of eternity with my Savior.
The next morning, I started my day with prayer, thanking the Holy Trinity and asking for strength. At 7:30 AM, I stepped onto the trail at Beavers Bend State Park, alongside the Mountain Fork River, completely alone in nature. And it was glorious.
The sound of the rushing river, the wind whispering through the trees, the birds singing their morning songs—it all overwhelmed me in the best way. I was filled with God's presence in every step, in every sound. Even now, as I write this, tears run down my face. I have no words that fully express His greatness or the depth of His love for me. But I know this: my story is a reflection of His glory. He is my confidence, my strength, my beginning, and my end.
I prayed and stepped out. The rivers, the trees, the wind, and the birds sang a holy chorus just for me. I cried with gratitude. God was everywhere. He still is. He is everything.
Final Thoughts
People often ask, “Aren’t you scared something bad will happen to you out there?”
The answer? Yes, of course. But I also know I serve a mighty God, who is always watching over me. If my time is short or long, it’s not up to me—it’s up to Him. My destiny is already set. I pray constantly and seek His guidance every day. I don’t act outside of His will. I don’t move unless I feel He’s leading me. I don’t act outside of the limits He sets for me. He is in complete control, and I trust Him fully.
Broken Bow was my first solo hike, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. That hike in Broken Bow was more than just a walk—it was a moment of bravery, strength, and deep connection to my Creator. It reminded me that our journey is not our own. I felt God’s embrace in every step, every moment. If you're reading this, I want to encourage you to be brave and let God guide your path, because we're called to follow Him courageously, no matter how short or long the journey, or how painful or joyful the steps along the way may be.
Let Him guide your journey as well.
Elohim Li!
With love and faith,
xoxo
Karen Estrada